I AM WHO AM

 Last week during my prayer time my reflection focused on the 1st reading of the day which was from the book of Exodus, Ex 3:13-20. This passage focuses on God identifying himself to Moses. As I listened to the passage I heard that God told Moses, "I AM WHO I AM" (Ex 3:14). This left me very distracted for the rest of my prayer time. I had to run to get my Bible because my memory told me that this was not how God identified Himself in the Old Testament, at least not in the NRSV translation. My memory was telling me God told Moses "I AM WHO AM". But upon checking my Bible these were the exact words that God used when telling Moses who he was. When I was finished my prayer time I checked my travel Bible, hoping it was a different translation but no, the I was reading the same words, "I AM WHO I AM. I checked with two priests. To my knowledge neither were experts in Scripture but they might be able to clear my confusion. The second priest I turned to is a Doctor of Theology so I felt he might have some insight. He told me it was just a matter of different translation. It still niggled at me as in College we used the NRSV translation when studying Scripture and I was sure we focused on the words "I AM WHO AM" yet my NRSV Bible that I was staring at had the words, "I AM WHO I AM"

As I sat watching TV later that night, still frustrated with the passage, as I remembered we focused on the words God used to identify Himself, "I AM WHO AM", when studying. But I could not remember what the importance was. Then suddenly I was struck by a revelation, I remembered the significance of these words. I was delighted. 

The significance, God identifies himself as AM, this is what God wants people to know him as. So by using the words, "I Am WHO AM" God is identifying himself as AM. I AM who AM, AM is his name. The same way I would tell people I am Melissa.  Whereas the other translation, "I AM WHO I AM", a similar translation but the use of thee second 'I' takes the emphasis away from the name. I would never tell people I am who Melissa, grammatically it would not make sense so why would God tell Moses I AM WHO I AM when identifying Himself? Looking at it deeply it does make sense, AM is who He is but I don't feel that people of the Old Testament would have understood it like that.   

Different translations really have the power to make us think. No translation is wrong. For a 100% accurate reading we would need to study the Scriptures in the original language. For now I will stick with the "I AM WHO AM" translation.

Feed my Sheep JN 21:15-19

 I often come out of Mass unable to recall what the Gospel was about. As part of my evening prayer routine I use the Jesuit App 'Pray as You Go' to sit with and mediate on the readings of the day. It was during this time last Friday, June 6th, that I was really struck by the Gospel of the day. What was the message of the Gospel? What was the Gospel writer trying to convey to the readers?

Three times in this Gospel Jesus asks Peter, "Do you love me?" When Peter replies that he does Jesus tells him to, "Feed my sheep." Jesus gives this instruction slightly differently all three times but the message is the same. What is the message? What does it mean? What is Jesus really asking of Peter? There is the saying, to follow like sheep, we follow the leader, trusting they know the way. I recently had this experience on a walk where I followed the one in front. So when she went on the rougher path and had to change course so did I. After the first time she did this I told her that I was not going to keep following like a sheep, but I did. Sheep need a Sheppard, a leader. 

At the stage of the Gospel where this exchange happens between Jesus and Peter Jesus has died and has risen. Jesus had appeared to his disciples when they where fishing and he speaks to Peter. When speaking to the crowds throughout the Gospel Jesus spoke in parables where we see that not many understood, not even his closest friends at times. While this encounter is not a parable it is an instruction told in a way that not all would understand. The Disciples are out fishing and Jesus is telling Peter to feed his sheep, there is no connection between the activity the Disciples are partaking in and what Jesus is asking of Peter. In reflecting on this passage I think of how Peter was to become the first Pope, the first leader of the Church. Jesus knew this when he said, "Feed my sheep." The faithful are the sheep, Peter the Sheppard and leader. I believe that Jesus was telling Peter in this encounter to take good care of all and to continue to proclaim the Kingdom of God. 

What does this Gospel passage say to us? Jesus wants us to look after one another and to lead well. At the end of the encounter Jesus tells Peter to, "follow me." We are encouraged to follow Jesus. Not to follow him in a brutal death like he experienced but by living our lives like he lived his, being kind to others and to be good people, always doing our best. We are also called to spread the Gospel message. The best way to spread the Gospel is to live it. How do we live the Gospel? Be a good person, practice love, not hate. As St Francis said, 'Preach the Gospel at all times and if necessary, use words. 

It is not always easy to follow Jesus but we need to try our best for this is what he asks of us. When we are finding it difficult we can ask the Lord for help.

Being a Saint

 When I hear the word Saint I think of all the great men and women gone before us recognised by the Church as Saints, people recognised for doing great things in life and for the Church. Saints are ordinary people who did extraordinary things. But Saints are not just all these people gone before us. Each and every one of us has the potential to be a Saint. As human beings we are not perfect, to be human is to be imperfect. Those whom we call saints were not perfect either. They had their struggles, they made wrong decisions, they didn't always get it right. Look at St Paul, he persecuted Christians all his life until he met Christ. After meeting Christ he turned his life around and preached the Gospel to all nations. A Saint is just a sinner who fell down and then got up. We are called by Christ to be perfect. It is not possible to be perfect all the time and Christ knows this. By living the Christian life we strive for perfection. As Christians we reflect on our actions, right and wrong, in order to recognise our imperfections and to make them right. When we fall we say sorry and start again. When we wrong our brother or sister we say sorry and move on by not hurting them again. In the Gospel Jesus tells his disciples that they must forgive their brother "not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy seven times." (Mt 18:22). The same goes for when we have done wrong, We do not get back up seven times but seventy seven times and more. 

The first step in starting again is to say sorry. We also need to avail of the Sacrament of Confession. But if God knows our sins and we can say sorry in prayer why do we need go to Confession? God works through the priest in Confession. The priest can advise and reassure a person that they are not doomed because of the things that they have done. Not everybody hears God in prayer so Confession is an opportunity for a person to hear God through the priest. Even if a person does hear God in prayer the Sacrament of Confession is still important. At times people need to witness another human being not judging them for what they have done in order to be able to forgive themselves.

In life we will fall many times. Each time we fall we choose to get back up, to start again. The most important thing to do when we fall is to get back up. God helps us to get back up. He gives us the strength that we need to get back up and keep trying. It can be a struggle to stay free from sin, to stop falling on the same sins but with God's help we can overcome our weaknesses. "I can do all things through him who strengthens me." (Philippians 4:13)

Life can be hard for people. If you are not happy with who you are it is challenging to not fall, the Devil recognises a vulnerability and this is how he gets in. You might think that you are happy with who you are but find yourself falling often. This can be a sign that you are not truly happy. If you find yourself falling constantly, as well as turning to God for support, seek out professional help. Remember, God works through people. A professional can help you to look inwards and heal so that you can truly love yourself again. 

We can all be Saints, we just don't know it. 

Fasting

 Last week I shared a post on Facebook which I seen a religious brother had shared. The original post claimed that Pope Francis said that we should eat whatever we want during Holy Week as the Sacrifice was in the heart not in the stomach. It goes on to say that while people abstain from food they do not make the effort with there families or give to those who are most in need. 

This morning I got notified that this post was false information. I did a little research into this and the Pope did not make the statement that I reposted. 

But this post got me thinking. While it is important to fast, and we Catholics fast especially during Lent, how many people fast from food, social media etc but are not leaving at peace with their own families or putting in the effort to strengthen relationships that have been damaged? It is not about laying blame or carrying guilt. Family is important and we need to look out for each other. I am not dismissing the serious hurts which have led to the breakdown of family relationships, some hurts are impossible to have a relationship after. But let us not sacrifice family relationships over minor disagreements. 

We do not forgive another for their benefit, we forgive for ourselves. We need to forgive in order to move on with our lives. Forgiving does not mean forgetting. Forgiveness is about freeing ourselves from the weight of resentment. Forgiving means that we do not let past negative actions influence our present and our future. We forgive as much as we are hurt by another but forgiving does not mean that we need to continue to have a relationship when we keep getting hurt. No, if the hurt is bad enough or we find the person keeps hurting us we forgive and get on with our lives without them.

So this Lent as well as fasting from material things I encourage you to take the time to look at the relationships with your nearest and dearest. Are there any relationships that you can strengthen or mend this Lenten season? 

Was Jesus wise?

 I was at a retreat recently. On the first evening we were looking at Pope Francis' Encyclical letter Dilexit Nos. This Encyclical looks at love, human and Divine. In the course of our conversation the retreat facilitator asked us if Jesus was wise. I felt this was a trick question, I felt to say yes would have been too straight forward. Yes, as Christians we believe that Jesus, as the Son of God, was great. But was he wise? With greatness does not always come wisdom. As I thought about this question I was swayed towards a no, that Jesus was not wise. He attracted people and never had real time for himself. We need to look after ourselves in order to care for others. If Jesus wasn't surrounded by the locals in the area he was in he always had his disciples with him. But he got small pockets of time I am sure to be alone, to speak with his Father. 

I sat with this question during evening prayer this week and my thinking changed from, 'He was not wise' to , 'yes, Jesus was wise'. Jesus did not start his public ministry until he was 30. So He had 30 years to enjoy life, build relationships, gather the people who were going to be his closest followers and learn more about the will of his Father and what God wanted him to do. Quietly He was preparing for his public ministry. A wise minister takes time to prepare before they deliver. In the Gospel we read how as a child Jesus was found in the temple doing his Father's work, Jesus was spending time with his Father in Heaven. At the time the Jewish custom was that a man was not mature enough to be a Rabbi until he reached the age of 30. So Jesus was restricted by this. Also, we know from Scripture that Jesus was not always a person to keep the rules, it was more important for Jesus to do the will of God. So, if He wanted Jesus could have began His public ministry earlier than was custom. It would not have been received well by the authorities and he would have faced a lot of opposition so the wise thing to do was to wait and to prepare so that He could give His all. 

In answer to the question, 'Was Jesus wise?' My answer after some thought and prayer is yes, Jesus was wise for he spent time preparing for His public ministry before starting on that chapter of His journey. 

Into the Deep Lk 5: 1-11

  Nothing in particular struck me about yesterdays Gospel when it was first read at Mass as it is a Gospel that I have heard multiple times. However, when the priest asked what this Gospel was saying to us the answer was clear for me. This Gospel for me is about trusting God.

In this passage Jesus tells Simon to go into deep water and cast his net for a catch. At first we see Simon hesitate as they had been out all night fishing and had caught nothing. But he trusted Jesus and did as he was instructed. And the reward was great, the fishermen filled two boats to sinking point. 

When is the last time that we fully trusted God? In a world filled with so much pain, suffering and injustice it can be hard to trust God. However, as Christians that is what we are called to do. God has a plan for each one of us. We need to trust this. God's plan is not always clear to us but there is always a plan. Trusting God has a plan when our world seems to be in turmoil is hard. But step back from the turmoil for a second and look around. Who or what is on your path to help you in the turmoil? God does not cause the turmoil but He will be sure to support you. If the support is not there for us in the form of another that means that God knows that we have the resources within ourselves to be the support. We cannot always see our abilities but God always sees them. As Blessed Teresa of Calcutta said, "I know God will not give me anything I cannot handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much." 

The Gospel for the 5th Sunday in Ordinary time Year C calls us to trust in God. Pray and trust. God answers all prayers, the answer may not be what we want but He does answer them. At times we need to be patient for the answers as God needs other things to happen first. To trust in  God is a huge ask at times but having trust will bring us so much closer to Him. 

Mission

 As Catholics, Christians, we are called to be missionaries in the world, that is our purpose. Our mission is to spread the Gospel message. The Gospel message is one of love, each and every one of us are loved by God. How many Gospel's are there? 4? Many? No. There is just one Gospel, four approved accounts which we find in the Bible. The Gospel writers are writing about the one Gospel message, that of love. We are all called to share this message but we are called to do so in different ways. We are called to use our talents and skills to spread the Gospel message. It is not always what we say but often through our actions that we can spread this message of God's love. St Francis of Assisi said, 'proclaim the Gospel, if necessary use words'. 

Many people when they hear the word 'mission' or 'missionary' they think of countries in Africa. However, we are also called to be missionaries in our own country. In a time when Church numbers are decreasing it is more important than ever for us to share the love of God with others through our actions. How do I show love to my neighbour? It does not matter what religion a person is or who they are, we are called to proclaim the love of God to ever person that we encounter. It does not matter if they are Churchgoers or not, we are called to be missionaries to all. 

Take time to recognise the love of God acting through other people, other missionaries. It can be hard to see the love of God in the world. However, I promise that it is there if you take the time to stand stand back and look. Each evening I take time to reflect on my day and what I am grateful for. By doing this I am identifying where God was and where I seen his love. Maybe it was that friend who reached out to me or that person who smiled at me in the shop.